Ok, folks - here it is: I have been in a slump since Alberta. I've been constantly feeling low. I feel like a chocolate chip cookie with not enough chips, where the chips are my joys and the batter my sorrow. This tour has taken its toll on me. Well, it's not just this tour - it's the last three years of touring. When I went to Hawaii the winter before last, things seemed to change. My luck shifted. And while good things have happened since then, my good times have been short-lived, and my chances at love haven't panned-out. I've been lonely and craving stability where there has been none. For those of you who imagine being a musician is living a dream, living the high-life, living it up - please don't use your imagination like that. Don't perpetuate a myth that, frankly, doesn't exist even for some of the richest, most pampered musicians. We do what we love, yes, but very few of us can be comfortable while doing it. On this tour we have slept in ditches, been hailed on, run off the road, played to the empty room and played to the loud and obnoxious. There is no romance in any of this. It is hard, and while it can be tolerated, while odd times are comfortable and amazing, it is extremely difficult to maintain for years on end. We all need a place to come home to, a refuge, shelter from the wind. As Kevin Head wrote in one of his songs: "Everyone needs a backyard to return to / Everyone needs a place to call home / We all need some friends that are more than friendly / 'Cause this old life is hell when you're on your own"
I am at my breaking point. For this reason, and for the reason that, on the rides to Rachel Hauraney's and to Chelsea this weekend, my fingers went back to square one as far as numbness and pain is concerned, I have decided to finish this tour in the most comfortable fashion I can. This means I will be taking the train or the bus instead of riding a bicycle. I realize this is probably a disappointment to many who expected to see Derek and I finish the tour cycling together. I can only ask you to put yourself in my shoes, and know that I am disappointed and frustrated myself in the way this tour has developed. That said, Derek and I were trying to do something crazy: a four-month music tour (which is nuts), by bicycle (which is nuts), with someone we barely knew before we left (which is nuts). Three nuts makes crazy, if you ask me.
Rest assured that for the next three weeks I will give the best shows I can, pouring my heart into my music, and that I am not off the bike permanently. After the tour is done, I will commute on it and ride it everywhere that riding is a viable option. I hope you are doing the same, will do the same, for it is a service to this planet and the life that is on it. Do as much as you can.
If I have learned anything from this, and other, tours, it is just that: DO AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.
You need not be a zealot. You need not be a martyr. You need not be an evangalist.
YOU NEED ONLY MAKE YOUR BEST EFFORT UNDER YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES.
Catch yourself in the middle of making excuses, and let them fade off into the distance while you take positive action.
Thank you for your support!