Jul 22 - Sudbury, ON

come, mr. sketchy man, pick me up. bring me into sudbury with those burns on your arms, barely say a word but for mine language - you here for your whole life knowing nothing more. sketchy bill, save me from bigot mike, who speaks ill of his doctor wife and immigrants, and natives who "rob him of his culture". save me from his ignorant bull-shit. save me from him who left me without a blink on the side of the highway, fifteen km outside of sudbury's city limits, the ten minutes being too much of his valuable time to waste (value in this case meaning time spent idling or wasting money on his toy material things, his motorcycles never ridden). that ride meant a lot to me, but not the one who gave it. i'd be happy to never think on today's rides again. on thursday i will take the bus to north bay. i will hitch as little as possible on this next stretch. i will take the hit, get back on the greyhound, hate it, hate much of this, but revel all i can in seeing old friends.

and they are just around the corner, i know it. and i wait for them, more patient than i ever want to be. and that is the point, i think, when you know you are not living up to your own conditions, when you are over-patient. you cannot feel proud of such patience - you can only feel a victim of it.

i complain, and yet things have worked out better than they might have. i made it in to town, i have a place to sleep (though it be below a bar, in the smell). sometimes i want people to see me now - those who want to say "i knew him when" - i want them to see how irrelevant i am, how the talent they estimate to be so extraordinary creates so little effect. am i cursed or am i blessed? i want my life to be stabler than it is. i want to make a living, but i may need to be much better than i am to do that. (last night I heard Colin James on the radio, talking about his latest album, full of common names and legends, and i think i cannot play guitar like that, or sing like that, so who, really, do i rank with, and is that rank too low to dare call myself a singer or a song-writer, or anything having to do with music?) i am faced with a measurement of my talent, and i find myself doubting, despite what various people have said. i find myself cautious, making back-up plans.

Jul 21 - Blind River, ON - 3rd Sand Beach

here we go whimpering one whimp more into depression: i can't seem to lift myself from it. i have come to wonder if it is the music that brings me joy, or just the good times with friends that sometimes come with it. or perhaps i am the stereotypical artist - only happy when feeling appreciated, or in the middle of creation. here i am on the beach again, yet tonight's show was cancelled. why can't i get past that? why can't i absorb all the joys of this moment? it's like something has gone off in me, but it can't be thrown out - it needs to be composted.

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morning on the beach, dew inside my tent, swim in the Huron - I am up again. last night saw stars shining, shooting across the sky, the moon bright and strong reflected. listened to some blues on the cbc, and a little bit of "twang" from D Trevlon - good to hear him on there, to hear an up-and-comer get some attention.

no rush to get to sudbury now. the show is days away yet. i have no idea where i am going to sleep when i get there - ha ha ha!

June 2 - Vernon to Sicamous, BC - at the Artist B'n'B!

In the morning I felt invigorated and energized, partly from the good sleep and partly from the good conversation the night before. I barely noticed the ride to Sicamous.

We arrived at the Artist B'n'B at 5pm and reveled in the beauty of its surroundings, the funky coloured exterior, the classy artistic interior, the lake available for swimming at the end of another scorching day, and the strong appreciative crowd who came out to support the way we are traveling. The B'n'B's living room was a perfect space to play in. I felt entirely comfortable performing, feeling a complete freedom to play whatever came to my head, which is sadly a real treat for the touring musician, though it should not be AT ALL. The audience really enjoyed Derek & I's differences and how we dynamically bounce off of one another. A few people were visibly emotionally moved by my songs, which was very satisfying, since that is the point of them - to give people a feeling that is worth experiencing.